I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
