Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
