Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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