yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
