I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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