So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He better not be in your backpack
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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