Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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