I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
