You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
