So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
