left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
