i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
