Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
