What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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