Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
