If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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