I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
