I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
