We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
