I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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