He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
