hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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