I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
