I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You are the jesus of drinking
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
