i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
