on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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