He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
