Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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