there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
