Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
