He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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