she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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