It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
