I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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