You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
