I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
