my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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