why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
