Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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