Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
