Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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