he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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