Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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