Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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