I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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