My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
