Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
