My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
