grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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