headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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