I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
