eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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