I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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