he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
