You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
