well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
