i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
