Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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