Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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