this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
