he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
