My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
