Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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