I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
