Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
