The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
