We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
