Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
