he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
