They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
