halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
