We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
