I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize