this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
40s are totally the cure
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize